Chapter Three

He had taken in the sight before him before he promptly passed out! In the meantime Maude is huffing and puffing and screaming for drugs that have not even been invented yet and so when they are not forthcoming she resigns herself to a painful time ahead –oh and also decides that everything is Fred’s fault. Fred now regaining consciousness quickly realises it would have been better if he hadn’t when he hears Maude screaming at him manically and accusing him of all sorts. So poor Fred takes all the blame whilst Maude takes on the guise of a woman possessed. Thirty- six ear bashing hours later Maude presents Fred with his son – Albert (well being the first man and woman they have no idea of names yet and it sounded good). Tortured ears, and an aching head and a non- committal shrug greets Albert in his newfound world. Completely uninterested Fred shrugs and strolls off. He hears the whistle as the rock strikes the back of his head but remembers very little else about the first few hour’s of Albert’s life. When he wakes he finds a peaceful, awe-inspiring sight awaiting him – mother, and child fast asleep in her arms. Smiling he goes to the other side of the cave, scratches himself and curls up on the furs falling fast asleep. Now, any new mother and father knows a baby will cry and scream so waking you up and making you wonder who is killing them. So when Fred was scared awake by Albert’s mighty lungs he thought someone was attacking the cave. Still half asleep he jumps up, grabs his spear and sways towards Maude and Albert, gibbering nonsense about dismemberment. Maude unfazed by this new occurrence jut picks him up and starts nursing him leaving Fred stumbling around the cave still in search of an axe murderer hiding in the shadows, oh, hang on, there might be less shadows if he opens his eyes……….... there you go, no shadows, no axe murderers. Grumpily he plods up to mother and baby, glares at the pair of them and stumbles back to bed. Contentedly Maude nurses Albert until completely satisfied and settles him back to sleep. Twenty minutes later the pair are awoken again by Albert’s lungs, this is about the time Maude decides motherhood isn’t all it’s cracked up to be and nothing like in the brochure God gave her! She had been through it twice forward and backwards looking for this chapter and it definitely is not in there and she is not impressed. She leaves the brochure on Fred’s chest for him to study in the morning – she is determined that he is going to be as much a part of this as she is.