By the morning Fred finds himself seriously sleep deprived and now mother to a newborn baby while Maude goes out to enjoy herself. Now we leave the happy couple to enjoy their new baby, God sits on a nearby cloud and toasts the health of Albert, Maude gets a proper bath in the local lake for the first time in a month – she was too fat to waddle down there while she was pregnant and if Fred sees her with nothing on he will probably try and jump her – again, the man is just unable to go a day without playing with himself or trying those chat up lines on her. Anyway now Albert is born maybe he will leave her alone for a while she is in no mood for his somewhat pathetic advances. Meanwhile Fred is wondering what he has done to deserve this and he is contemplating making something to play with his todger for him so he never has to go near Maude again- he is struggling to placate Albert in another one of his screaming fits and he certainly does not want another one! The thought of Maude with just those fig leaves on that he keeps for special occasions blocks all other thoughts from his mind for a while and he knows he cannot be without her, well at least without her body. He sighs resignedly. Now in the months that follow little Albert is becoming, well, destructive. Fred and Maude are at the end of their tether when they call on God again to get the low down and see if he can offer some assistance. God is more than happy to oblige as they haven’t called on him in ages and he was beginning to feel forgotten so he comes down (a personal visit because of the length of time since callings) and offers some words of wisdom. Maude feels they were a little harsh. Fred thoroughly agrees after all what man wouldn’t when God of all people is telling you to get busy and hurry up and make him a little brother or sister. Reluctantly and only because God said they should – well that’s what she keeps telling herself and Fred, Maude lets Fred near her again. In her mind whilst he is doing the deed is the beginning of an idea, which would involve a bottle, a syringe and no thrusting male to conceive a baby. After all it is a time saving device! Weeks turn into months and the continually thrusting and huffing has achieved……………………………. well frankly, nothing. No baby, not even a hint of a baby, Maude is pleased, Fred is annoyed. Arguments occur on a regular basis while Albert is learning to behead dinosaurs that roam too close to the cave, only the little ones but it’s a start. The end result is nothing to show on the baby front and one little Albert who now has the strength to throw Fred against the wall of the cave, which he does for fun! Seeing as the whole baby thing isn’t happening they settle for getting him a pet. So Fred goes out one morning and doesn’t return until dusk when he staggers into the cave bloodied and bruised with a sabre tooth tiger over his shoulder. The reluctant cat only stays because he is terrified of what Albert will do if he tries to leave and so the first pet is taken into a home and they name this animal……………………………………………………………..Goldfish. Months later they realise that that this is not a goldfish so they have to rename it and they come up with………………………………………no surprise……………..Cat! Cat grows with the family but meets a sticky end a year or two later when Albert thinks he is being kind teaching it to swim. Albert never had another pet after that but within that time he did gain a little brother called George. They go on (Maude is reluctant but finds she is a sucker for those chat up lines) to reproduce again and again, and again as the book of chat up lines grows and even though Maude swears this is the last time as she looks at the ceiling counting the stalactites. Life goes on, time passes, everything evolves apart from man’s obsession with his crotch, and new generations give way – well jeer off the last. Fred continued to play with himself and made it a new concept called a ‘Hobby’ By the morning Fred finds himself seriously sleep deprived and now mother to a newborn baby while Maude goes out to enjoy herself. Now we leave the happy couple to enjoy their new baby, God sits on a nearby cloud and toasts the health of Albert, Maude gets a proper bath in the local lake for the first time in a month – she was too fat to waddle down there while she was pregnant and if Fred sees her with nothing on he will probably try and jump her – again, the man is just unable to go a day without playing with himself or trying those chat up lines on her. Anyway now Albert is born maybe he will leave her alone for a while she is in no mood for his somewhat pathetic advances. Meanwhile Fred is wondering what he has done to deserve this and he is contemplating making something to play with his todger for him so he never has to go near Maude again- he is struggling to placate Albert in another one of his screaming fits and he certainly does not want another one! The thought of Maude with just those fig leaves on that he keeps for special occasions blocks all other thoughts from his mind for a while and he knows he cannot be without her, well at least without her body. He sighs resignedly. Now in the months that follow little Albert is becoming, well, destructive. Fred and Maude are at the end of their tether when they call on God again to get the low down and see if he can offer some assistance. God is more than happy to oblige as they haven’t called on him in ages and he was beginning to feel forgotten so he comes down (a personal visit because of the length of time since callings) and offers some words of wisdom. Maude feels they were a little harsh. Fred thoroughly agrees after all what man wouldn’t when God of all people is telling you to get busy and hurry up and make him a little brother or sister. Reluctantly and only because God said they should – well that’s what she keeps telling herself and Fred, Maude lets Fred near her again. In her mind whilst he is doing the deed is the beginning of an idea, which would involve a bottle, a syringe and no thrusting male to conceive a baby. After all it is a time saving device! Weeks turn into months and the continually thrusting and huffing has achieved……………………………. well frankly, nothing. No baby, not even a hint of a baby, Maude is pleased, Fred is annoyed. Arguments occur on a regular basis while Albert is learning to behead dinosaurs that roam too close to the cave, only the little ones but it’s a start. The end result is nothing to show on the baby front and one little Albert who now has the strength to throw Fred against the wall of the cave, which he does for fun! Seeing as the whole baby thing isn’t happening they settle for getting him a pet. So Fred goes out one morning and doesn’t return until dusk when he staggers into the cave bloodied and bruised with a sabre tooth tiger over his shoulder. The reluctant cat only stays because he is terrified of what Albert will do if he tries to leave and so the first pet is taken into a home and they name this animal……………………………………………………………..Goldfish. Months later they realise that that this is not a goldfish so they have to rename it and they come up with………………………………………no surprise……………..Cat! Cat grows with the family but meets a sticky end a year or two later when Albert thinks he is being kind teaching it to swim. Albert never had another pet after that but within that time he did gain a little brother called George. They go on (Maude is reluctant but finds she is a sucker for those chat up lines) to reproduce again and again, and again as the book of chat up lines grows and even though Maude swears this is the last time as she looks at the ceiling counting the stalactites. Life goes on, time passes, everything evolves apart from man’s obsession with his crotch, and new generations give way – well jeer off the last. Fred continued to play with himself and made it a new concept called a ‘Hobby’
